We know what you are wondering, Does The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom have permadeath? Since you’re a strong and popular hardcore gamer who’s only cool to invest dozens of hours into a game if a stray arrow or sudden distraction from the real world can force you to throw away all that time. You may have thought The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom isn’t for you, but thanks to clandestine bribes and digging into the trash cans behind Nintendo HQ, we’ve found some evidence that might surprise you…
This hot scoop comes via an alternate cut of a recent Tears of the Kingdom ad that went live yesterday. In it, a depressed man in a patently loveless marriage finds brief joy playing Tears of the Kingdom on the bus with the sound blasting through the speakers, or at home while his lonely wife texts old flames in the next room. You can watch it yourself below.
Here we have it. Indisputable proof of permadeath in Tears of the Kingdom. I mean, not really, but every game has permadeath if you manually delete your saves after every death. Still kinda brave of them to slap so much gore into an otherwise bloodless series but you know what maybe it’s time Zelda grew up with its fans who should now have jobs and mortgages like real people (shells).
That wandering foot is haunting though, but if it was actually possible for Link to blow his leg off, you’d probably be able to attach it to the end of a weapon thanks to the new fuse system. Imagine grabbing a sword, fusing it to your old leg, and watching it leap around Hyrule. Stick it to the back of a log and throw it in the water and it will soar over the horizon. Nintendo is truly one of the game developers of all time.
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is sure to shake up the industry in a major way. With how depressing the world is, sometimes a massive open-world game is all you need to distract yourself from the political and financial landscape of the society around you. It might even be good! A game almost guaranteed to score plenty of 5/5s and 10/10s as the embargo lifts later today, only for several more writers to write op-eds that take it down in about seven months. If we’re lucky, it might even be the same people who gave it the highest score in the first place.
Not our own review though. No, James has put his life on the line to immerse himself in the world of Tears of the Kingdom for days. He was recently caught running out of stamina mid-climbing up the side of Reedpop’s Brighton office and fused multiple PS5s together to create a makeshift bomb which he unveiled at our last editorial meeting. You had to be there!
I had to personally DDT Doug Bowser in the alleys behind Nintendo HQ to escape with the USB drive this video was found on. With that in mind, subscribe to VG247 and read our articles before the AI can write articles as funny as this in a fraction of the time.
To be clear, and to prevent anyone at Nintendo from thinking we found these images, it’s a joke. A very funny joke.
If you want to read some actual The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom content, you should check out the recent Breath of the Wild recap to catch up on the story. We’ll also be releasing approximately one million guides to the game in the coming weeks. Check them out too!
Buy The Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom
TOTK is now available on Nintendo Switch! Check out the links below to secure your copy today.
